• World's Finest Lacrosse Player - It has often been said that NFL Hall of Famer Jim Brown's greatest sport was not football, but Lacrosse.  Well, move over Jim, the world has now seen the future, and the Symmes Report is proud to announce the recent election of Chris Cotugno of New Boston, New Hampshire as the World's Finest Lacrosse Player! 

Chris "Critter" Cotugno is entering is fourth year as a starting attackman for the Mohawks of Bedford, New Hampshire. He has been a key component on offense for the past three years - posting 41 goals and 29 assists during that timeframe. "His speed, quickness and agility puts him a step ahead of the competition" noted the Symmes Report.

• World's Finest Archer - In a recent sports news shocker, Matthew Symmes has now superseded both Robin Hood and Legolas to claim the title of the Symmes Report's World's Finest Archer.

• World's Finest Dog - Astro Symmes has achieved this acclaim due to his unending loyalty and his fervent pursuit of catching squirrels.

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• World's Finest Football Coach - After receiving multiple accolades throughout his coaching career, Dale Richardson was recently elected the World's Finest Football Coach by the Symmes Report.  Congratulations to Mr. Richardson and to the many players who have benefited under his tutelage.